Each month we will post an affirming article on this page to help you improve your mental health. If you have feedback for us or suggestions for future articles, please email us and let us know.

If you are interested in reading other affirming articles or want to learn more about how to use affirmations to improve your self-esteem, relationships and general sense of well-being, please click on Affirmations Archive below.

Affirmations Archive

Since this is the beginning of a new school year for many adults and children, I thought it an ideal time to talk about healthy beginnings. Whether we are talking about beginning a new year at school, a new relationship, a new job, or a new project, there are some important guidelines I'd like to suggest to start out in a healthy way.

First, it is helpful to ask yourself, what strengths do I bring to this new relationship/job/project? As a therapist writing affirming articles such as this one, I bring over 20 years of clinical experience providing psychotherapy to many people in our community who have trusted me enough to seek out my services. To each of you, I thank you for all the lessons and wisdom you have helped me gain in understanding what it means to be human today. To the many clients in my life who have brought their differences to me, I especially appreciate the understandings you have allowed me to gain through sharing your unique experiences with me.

Think about what strengths you bring to your new experiences. Perhaps it is the ability to communicate clearly and honestly. Perhaps it is years of practice in being more and more healthy in your behaviors. Perhaps it is years of sobriety and overcoming the struggles that have surfaced in each day, month and year of that period of sobriety. Perhaps it is competence and efficiency accompanied with a capacity for insight and an ability to learn any new job or task. Perhaps it is a nonjudgmental attitude toward others, and a sensitivity to other's feelings. Perhaps it is the ability to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Take a few minutes, and perhaps you may even want to write down what strengths you possess for this new mission.

Since I am recommending you acknowledge your strengths, it is also important to be aware of your limitations or weaknesses, which could block your ability to be healthy in this new pursuit. What is healthy as we start is to be able to be honest and self-aware as possible of these limits, and to be willing to ask for help as needed. Your limits may be related to some of the strengths I listed above. If for example, you are aware you have potential problems using drugs or alcohol or sex or money in a compulsive way (i.e. you don't have power over your use), this will certainly block your ability to be healthy in new relationships, or it could cause problems in a new job, or cause problems in school, or in any new project you choose to start.

One guideline I often tell clients is: The way you start relationships is the way they tend to continue. If you want to have a relationship built on honesty, then start by being honest. For instance, if you were applying for a job in a healthy way, you would want to honestly present your skills. Sure you might downplay your weaknesses, but would you deliberately misinform your potential employer? People who already have a job may approach such an interview much differently than a person who has been unemployed for some time and feels financially desperate. If you want to have a good school year, then start out with practicing healthy habits right away.

People who begin relationships or new jobs often believe it is best to avoid any conflicts or disagreements. This can be the start of a codependent relationship if you decide it is better to please the other person than it is to be yourself and speak your own truth. Consider how much freer you may feel in the relationship or job if from the start, you speak your truth and risk conflict. You may choose to start by risking a minor disagreement first and test the waters. People in healthy relationships are able to handle disagreements and conflicts without damaging or ending the relationship. In fact, healthy conflicts will strengthen a relationship, not weaken it.

A more controversial example is: how about if you were starting a healthy sexual relationship….would you disclose your HIV status, or would you ask your partner to share with you his or her HIV status before being sexual? Or would it just be enough to both agree to practice safer sex? Or would you just see what happens, and let circumstances determine what protection you use, because you believe that being spontaneous is something you value most in relationships. What if you are HIV +, and have faced rejection in the past when you've told people your status? Would you still be honest, or would you hesitate, or perhaps avoid the topic by saying, "I always practice safer sex"? Your answer may depend on how healthy you want your relationships to be.

I would suggest when you start a relationship, consider the possibility this relationship could last longer than you think possible. Even if you've had little success at relationships or holding jobs, this might be the new beginning for you when it does last. This is important to consider because it can help you to look long-term, rather than simply choosing for this one moment. Looking long-term is also a way to allow you to use more of those strengths we looked at earlier. This approach also is a way for you to communicate to yourself and to the other person (or people) that you value yourself and the relationship/opportunity.

I like to end each column with an affirmation. An affirmation is a statement you can say to yourself daily to help strengthen your self-esteem and enhance your mental health.

My suggested affirmation: I value myself enough to practice healthy behaviors in new relationships and opportunities in my life.