Each month we will post an affirming article on this page to help you improve your mental health. If you have feedback for us or suggestions for future articles, please email us and let us know.

If you are interested in reading other affirming articles or want to learn more about how to use affirmations to improve your self-esteem, relationships and general sense of well-being, please click on Affirmations Archive below.

Affirmations Archive

The holiday season is upon us once again, and for many people, this is one of the highest times of stress. If you are in recovery, estranged or distanced from your blood family, or perhaps a member of a minority group, the stresses can be compounded making a difficult season even tougher to manage. I'd like to encourage each of you to take a look at what stresses you out most during this time of year, and consider some strategies to decrease your stress as much as possible.

Meeting the expectations of others and ourselves is one of the biggest stressors. People expect each other to be happy and cheerful throughout the holiday season. If you are are distanced from your blood family, such happiness may be difficult, especially if you do have not formed a "family of choice" who could provide support and care. If you are single, all the images of couples and families being together during the holidays can be especially painful reminders of being alone. The more alone you feel, the more likely it is you may create more internal pressure to find someone to date--often a recipe for less than ideal mate selection. Especially with all the hoopla of the Milennium celebration, being alone THIS New Year's eve may take on much greater significance than other years. For those of us with addiction or compulsive behavior problems, trying to meet other people's expectations and/or feeling like a failure when you don't can be major triggers for our most self-defeating behaviors. But if we set boundaries or say no or disappoint others, we may cause conflicts or create discomfort for others, which may also trigger shame and using behaviors.

Needing to please others is another aspect of the pressure we can put on ourselves, especially around gift giving. Finding the "right gift" can be tough enough. People often struggle with deciding how much money is the appropriate amount to spend, on a lover, on a friend, on a family member, on a boss or co-worker. You may feel anxiety about how you will be perceived based on the quality of your gift as well as whether the recipient will like the gift. For those with limited budgets, you may feel increased pressure and/or shame if you cannot spend what you think you "should" in order to appear generous enough.

Many people follow many different spiritual and religious paths and traditions outside of the mainstream, yet our culture tends to only recognize a few. For those outside of traditional Christianity, there is a good possibility you may feel out of step with the rest of the culture, and put in many awkward situations. Being a minority is never easy; but being a minority within a minority is even more difficult, especially if you are viewed as somehow deficient because you don't believe the same as everyone else. Many of us try to be politically (and spiritually) correct, but inevitably in an effort to be inclusive, we still wind up hurting someone by not considering their spiritual or non-spiritual paths.

For those of you who are perfectionists, the holiday season has a plethora of traps to fall into: planning the perfect holiday party; decorating perfectly; buying the perfect gifts or perfect cards; or writing the perfect greetings. At a time when we most need to be gentle, we may feel the pressure to be even more perfect than usual.

There never seems to be enough time, even for people who are good at planning. If you are someone who tends to procrastinate, this habit can be especially hurtful during the holidays. Inevitably, some activity/gift/event which we really want to be special gets the short shrift because our procrastination gets the best of us. And procrastinators are not well known for being gentle with themselves either.

So how can you manage and minimize all of these sources of your holiday stress? Start by agreeing you will offer yourself plenty of gentleness, forgiveness and compassion each morning the next two months. Offering yourself gentleness means you will refuse to harshly judge yourself, even if you fail your own or someone else's expectations. Being gentle means you will remind yourself you are human, fallible, and likely to make a number of mistakes this holiday season, no matter how much you try to be perfect. Being forgiving means when you make those mistakes, you will say to yourself, "I forgive me for being human and fallible this holiday season, and accept I am doing the very best I am capable of in this moment". Being compassionate means you will offer yourself hugs, and reassurance that no matter what, you still deserve to be valued and cared for.

This is a time of year when we need all the support we can find. Open your heart both so that you can be available to others who need your support, and so that you can receive and ask for the support you need. Opening your heart can be scary, especially if you have a history of being hurt by others when you are vulnerable. If you can give yourself permission to trust a little, guarding yourself as much as you need to, you may find you can let someone in at least a little. You may find this person will be able to help you feel even a little more supported, which can help with feelings of isolation and shame. If your are distant from your blood family, then picking people who can be members of your "family of choice" may help in some small or large way to make up for the distance we may feel from blood family members.

Trust the 12-step wisdom of "one step at a time", and doing the "next right thing". Both of these slogans remind us about the importance of being patient with ourselves and pacing ourselves as best as possible, and reminding us that the next right thing is good enough, even though it is often not the perfect next thing. Be willing too to examine your expectations of yourself and others, and be willing to revise these expectations. Doing less and doing it well is often desirable to doing more and getting all stressed out, often with less than desirable outcomes.

Lastly, experiment with letting go. By this I mean give yourself permission to let go of one tradition you always do which may be enjoyable in the long run, but extremely stressful in the short run. For some people, they decide I am not going to send out 100 holiday cards this year and they pare down their list to a more manageable number--some decide not to send any. Others may choose to decorate less, or perhaps not at all. Others of you may let go by being willing to spend less money on gifts and more time on thoughtful cards.

Here's a holiday affirmation for you: I will offer myself ample gentleness, compassion, forgiveness and open my heart to the support I need and deserve this holiday season.